Sand Castle: Chapter 20

There are different kinds of love. Like love for your parents, love for your siblings, your grandparents, your friends, love for your country, love for your job... Every day, Tom reminds me that before him, I had another love in my life. Before Tom, the theatre was my whole life.

"My love for you, no matter how big it is, could never be enough to make you completely happy, and your love for me could never be a substitute for the love you have for acting."

Tom is constantly repeating to me these words, and maybe he is right. He understands me, and he knows me because he is like me. The music is the love he couldn't live without.

"What do you plan to do for the rest of your life, Nina? Do you want to sit at home and do nothing? If that makes you happy, go ahead. You have my full support, but I don't think that is what you want. You can't use the word "theatre" anymore, and watching a movie is too painful for you. I remember the sparkle in your eyes you had in Rimini when you were talking about theatre or when we were watching movies together. I want to see that sparkle in your eyes again, and I want you to return to your first love..."

"I can't. Once I gave up on my love, and I don't deserve a second chance."

"Everyone deserves a second chance. Even fools like us. You see, life was very kind to us and gave us a second chance."

"I don't deserve a second chance."

"Yes, you do! Every day I want to give up on music. It's tough. The traveling and the tours that last for months are exhausting. Sometimes I wake up in a hotel room, and I can't remember the name of the city where I am. The pressure is unbearable. If my new album doesn't sell well, my career is finished. Strangers come to me every day on the street, convinced that they know me because they saw me on television, and they want to be my friends. There are people who hate me, they hate what I am doing, and they can't wait to see me fall. One day you're on the top, but the other day you can find yourself down. The show business is not glamorous at all, and you know it. I don't know a musician who is not saying every day to himself, "I can't anymore! I had enough! I'm giving up!" and I believe it's the same with the actors. When you told me that you were coming to New York, I was seriously considering the option of finding a steady job and quitting my music career, just to give you a better life. I swear, for you, I was ready to give up on music. If you don't believe me, ask my family. You gave up on your love for a while, just to be with me, and now I want you to continue where you stopped. You were with an idiot who lives in the wrong century and thinks that women should have only one profession, but I don't want you to give up on anything for me. I want you to live your life fully! Every woman can have everything she wants in her life! The proofs are the millions of women who are successful artists, businesswomen, doctors, lawyers, scientists... I strongly believe that women can have both: a family and a career. If a woman chose to be a housewife, that's fine, probably she chose the most difficult job in the world. I can't imagine a harder job than raising a child in today's modern world, but if her husband forced her to do it, that means that he doesn't love her at all, and she should run away from him. A real man, who truly loves a woman, will never ask her to give up on something for him. A real man always supports and stands by the woman he loves."

"I have a feeling that I've lost my talent, and I'll never be able to act again."

"You know that's not true. You can't lose your talent."

"My "friends" from Croatia, with whom I was making theatre plays in high school, are so happy because I'm not working. They were always jealous of me, because I was always playing the leading roles, and I was the one who was winning all the awards. I tried to contact some of them, but they didn't want to have anything with me. Every evening, we were watching theatre plays together, we were sharing the same passion, and now they all pretend that they don't know me. Last year, my best friend, a fellow actress, sent me an email to ask why she had never heard anything about my work in New York, and when I told her that after graduation from college I was not working, she never wrote me back."

"Nina, show them who is still the best! If you give up, you'll make them happy, so please, I'm begging you, don't give them that pleasure."

"I have already given up..."

"No, you haven't! Think of this as a small break from work. The actresses are doing it all the time. They're not working when they're on maternity leave or they are ill, and for many other reasons. Nina, you have a gift. Please don't squander your talent!"

"If I decide to go back to acting, I'll never find a job. While I was still in college, I sent my CV and photos to over five thousand directors, producers, and agents in New York, but no one ever replied. With Paula and the other actors from my class, we were trying very hard to find an acting job, but..." "This is a cruel, cruel business, and nobody will give you a chance. No one gave me a chance. I was lucky to be in the right place and at the right time. One evening, I had a gig in front of ten people, and one of these ten people happened to be my current producer. Nina, you don't need anyone! You don't need an agent. You can write, direct, and produce your own projects. You can do a one-woman show, stand-up comedy, or you can start your own film production company and make a short movie for a start. Nina, you live in New York, a city with thousands of other actors and artists you can connect to and collaborate. Today, with the internet and social media, you have infinite options. Today you have me. I have a great number of loyal fans who will come to see your work if you use my music for your theatre play or a movie. And when everyone sees how talented you are, you'll soon have your own group of supporters."

"No, your fans will be jealous of me, and they will hate me when they will find out that I'm your girlfriend."

"The people already know about us. They see us together every day. You don't need to worry about a thing. Just focus on your work. Don't worry about my fans. They love me for my music. The girls who come to my concerts have real lives, and when my concert finishes, they go home to their real boyfriends. I'm not a big star. I can still walk freely on the streets of New York and not be noticed."

"What kind of theatre play or a short movie can I make with no money?"

"You'll never have to worry about music and money, for whatever you'll decide to do. I'll give everything I have, to the last penny, just to make you happy. I would give my life for you."

"Tom..."

"No, I'm serious. If one day you need my life, come and take it. It's yours."

"I can't take your money."

"This life that I'm living, my career, the money, this apartment, I have them only thanks to you. If I hadn't met you, I would never have written these songs about you, I would never have a career, and I would be broke. If I hadn't met you, I would be washing dishes in my parents' restaurant for the rest of my life or I would be homeless. Technically, my money belongs to you, Nina."

"I can't spend your money. The movies are a very expensive business. I'll never be able to give you back the money you are willing to give me for making a movie."

"Everyone who is investing in the arts is a gambler, aware of the risk of losing the investment. But look on the bright side, there is also a chance to win. You never know who might see your work and take you on his or her next project."

"Sometimes, with a little money, you can make a successful movie or a theatre play."

"Exactly! You're acting out of pure love, and you're not doing it for fame or fortune. If you work hard, success will come eventually. Take me for an example."

"It will be smarter if I find a job, like everyone else, and invest the money I will earn in my projects."

"How many times do I have to tell you, don't worry about the money? We have enough money for a decent living for the rest of our lives."

"Yes, only if you stop immediately spending them on expensive presents for me."

"Well, maybe my career won't end today, and in the worst-case scenario, there is always my parents' restaurant. They will hire me anytime. They always need an extra hand for washing dishes."

"I hope there will be no need for that."

"Nina, I wanted to surprise you later, but I'll tell you now, you have a job."

"What do you mean I have a job?"

"Danny, the director I was working with on my last video, came with a brilliant idea. My next three videos will be like short movies; they will all have the same story, and the story will continue in every new video, like sequels. For that job, we'll need a hell of a good actress. As Danny says, actresses are always better for working than models, and we both want you."

"I can't, I'm not ready..."

"Yes, you can! You are ready! And I have one more surprise for you. I paid you for the best film production, directing, and screenwriting courses in New York. I don't think that you need any of these courses, but maybe you will learn something new, and you'll meet new people. You don't need acting lessons, because you are the best actress I have ever seen in my life. Three years ago, I saw "Macbeth" on Broadway. The actress who was playing Lady Macbeth won the TONY award for her performance, and her performance could never compare to your Lady Macbeth I saw in Italy. Nina, you must go back to acting as soon as we'll be back from Croatia, in August. Okay?"

"Why are we going to Croatia?"

"I know that you haven't been there for a long time, and you want to see your parents. I have ten free days in August, and we are going to Croatia for a holiday. Nina, I showed you my New York, and I've introduced you to my family. Now I want you to show me your Croatia, and I want to meet your parents, of course, if they want to meet me."

"Tom, why are you doing all this for me?"

"Because I love you Nina, and I want you to live a life you have always dreamed of."