Sand Castle: Chapter 9

The hardest thing I ever had to do in my life was to find a way to stop the tears from rolling down my face and say goodbye to Tom at the bus station.

"Have you checked your passport and your ticket?" I asked him.

"Yes, I have, twice."

"Good! Do you have my email and my phone number?"

"Yes, I have them here, in my backpack, and don't worry, by now I have memorized them."

"Please write to me, and call me as often as you can."

"I will, but I think it's better to send each other emails. The long-distance calls are too expensive."

"Yes, you're right. Tom, I had a great time with you, and I promise I'll never forget last week."

"One day, I will come back to Rimini."

"So will I."

"Maybe we should come back at the same time."

"That would be perfect."

"Nina, I want you to promise me that straight from here, you'll go to school. Okay?" Tom said, but how could he think about my lessons at that moment?

"I promise."

"Good girl!"

"Please, promise me you'll text me when you'll arrive at home, in New York. I'll be worried about you."

"I promise. That will be the first thing I'll do after I arrive at my apartment."

"All right, and I'll send you an email this week."

"Okay! Nina, I really should go. The other passengers are already in the bus. They're waiting for me."

I'm such a coward. When I opened my mouth, I wanted to say, "I love you, Tom", but I didn't. I couldn't say these three words, as I had something stuck in my throat.

"Have a safe trip, Tom! Don't forget to text me."

"I won't. Take care, Nina! And enjoy your stay in Italy!"

Before he got on the bus, he gently kissed me for the last time. He took his seat by the window, and he smiled at me. While the bus was slowly leaving the bus station, Tom was waving at me, and I was just standing there like an idiot, doing nothing. I should have run after the bus and said aloud: "Please don't go, Tom! Please come back! How am I supposed to continue to live without you? With you, I had the whole world in my hands for a week!"

Now I could let my tears roll down my face. There was no need anymore to pretend how brave I was. I had the feeling that my life stopped, and I had lost half of myself. All the way from the bus station to my home, I was crying, and when I walked into my room, I began to cry louder. Everything in this room reminded me of Tom. He was a part of my life for only a week, but it seems as if that week was my whole life. When I heard someone knocking on my door, I stopped crying. I didn't know how to open the door in that condition. I wiped the tears, but on my face were still visible the traces of crying.

It was my landlady. She must have seen me from her window when I was coming from the bus station. Because I didn't have a washing machine in my room, every Saturday she takes my clothes for washing, and she returns them clean on Monday. She is a very nice and intelligent woman, and I like her, but at that moment, I couldn't talk to anyone.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, Nina. I brought you your clothes," she said, and she looked at my face.

"Thank you," I said shortly.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, I am."

"Did Tom left?"

"Yes."

When I heard his name, I couldn't hold back my tears, and I started to cry again.

"Oh Nina, come here," she said, and she took me in her embrace.

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right. Everything is going to be all right. Summers are not summers without love. Unfortunately, some summer romances last only a week or two, while others last a lifetime. You know my daughter's story," she said the last words with bitterness.

Yes, I know her daughter's story. Every single day since I arrived here, I have been listening to how her daughter, eight years ago, went on a holiday with her friends in Croatia, and one day in a coffee shop, she met a Croatian guy. It was a love at first sight, and she has stayed with him in Croatia. Today they live in a small village I've never heard of before, on a farm, and they're raising pigs.

"My little Laura never liked to eat pork, and today the pork meat is her favorite food. You don't know how fat she has become since she got married," Mrs. Sofia said, on the edge of crying.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Sofia."

"Her moron husband likes her being fat. I'm sorry because I called him a moron."

"It's all right. I don't mind."

"He's your countryman."

"Yes, but we're not related."

"My little Laura has a degree in psychology from the University of Rome. She went to graduate studies in London, and she speaks four languages. For one year, she traveled around the world, and today, when I'll just think that she lives in a place forgotten by God, I wish to die."

"Please don't say that, Mrs. Sofia."

"I sacrificed everything for her. She left her beautiful life in Italy to live on a farm, with a moron who doesn't have a high school diploma, and she's raising pigs for a living," Mrs. Sofia said, and she began to cry.

Love doesn't know about boundaries or distance. Love doesn't know about race, gender, age, social status... Love is inexplicable. Love is unstoppable. Love is the greatest power in the world. We can fall in love with someone of the opposite or same sex, someone much younger or older than us, someone rich or poor...In love, there are no rules.

"Tom and you, you were such a cute couple. He is such a decent young man, and he is so beautiful, a real angel. Every morning, he was carrying my bags from the market, and once, he helped me in the garden. I wish my daughter fell in love with someone like him."

"I know."

"If it's meant to be, you'll find a way to be together. You'll see Nina. We live in a global village. If your feelings are real, then nothing on this Earth will separate you. I tried everything to separate my daughter from that moron, but nothing worked. Are you two going to stay in touch?"

"Yes."

"That is a good sign. Next time you talk to Tom, tell him the truth. Tell him what you feel for him, and if he feels the same way about you, then you'll find a way to be together. But if Tom wasn't the right man for you, you'll get over him, and one day you'll find true love."

"Thank you, Mrs. Sofia. You've helped me to feel better."

"If you need anything, you know where I live. You are always welcome. I'm at home almost all day."

"Thank you."

Talking to Mrs. Sofia didn't help me get Tom out of my head, not even for a second. I took the clothes from the bed where she left them, to put them in the closet, and among the clothes, I found Tom's grey T-shirt, the one he borrowed me in his hotel room. I took his T-shirt in my embrace and I lay on the bed, and I could almost feel him.

The little bed in my room suddenly looked enormous and cold to me. Now nothing can fill the emptiness of his absence, and nothing can warm me up. Without Tom, my room looked like a cold dungeon. Cold in the middle of summer, when the outside is around forty degrees Celsius? Without Tom, nothing is as it was, and nothing is normal. I'm afraid it never will be.

When my mobile phone woke me up, outside it was dark. I must have been sleeping the whole day with Tom's grey T-shirt in my embrace. I quickly grabbed the phone to see who was texting me. It was a text from Tom. He kept his promise, but I didn't keep mine. Today I didn't go to school, as I promised him.

I felt relieved because he arrived safely at home. I was happy, even though he was thousands of miles away from me, and there was an ocean between us. Tom has returned to his everyday life in New York, and maybe he will forget me soon. When the autumn comes, no one remembers the summer love.

I didn't just skip my lessons today, but I also skipped my lunch. I was hungry like never before in my life, and I decided to go to "our restaurant" for the first time without Tom. On the way to the restaurant, on every step, I was seeing happy couples in love, like Tom and me, last week.

When I returned to our room, the room wasn't ours anymore. Now there is just me. The room was so empty without Tom, and so sad without his voice and laughter. All I have left from Tom were faded sunflowers, a blue string, a paper napkin from our first dinner in "our restaurant", an empty bottle of the aftershave he was using, an old issue of "The New Yorker" that he was reading on the plane on the way to Italy, the silver bracelet with charms, his grey T-shirt, and hundreds of photographs. In the photographs, we'll always stay together and in love. Loving him, it seems hopeless and insane when we live in different parts of the world, but it's more insane to believe that I'll be able ever to forget him.

If one day I wake up with some kind of amnesia, I may forget my name and who I am. I may forget my family and all my friends. I may forget my childhood memories and the smell of bluebells in my grandparents' garden. I may forget how I feel when I am on the theatre stage, and how I feel when I'm running free on the green meadows in spring, but I could never forget Tom.

I will forever remember his merry eyes, the shape of his eyebrows, the wrinkles on his forehead when he makes a serious expression, the smell of his skin, the way he touches his chin while he is talking, the birthmark on his left eyelid, and the one on his right cheek. I will forever remember how gently he kissed my neck, my ears, my shoulders, my back... I will remember the way I trembled while his fingers were touching my face, my knees, my arms, my hips… I will remember forever the way I was drowning in his blue eyes, the way his long fingers were running through my hair. I will remember his songs, every place we visited, our long conversations, his jokes...

If one day I wake up with some kind of amnesia, I may forget everything from this world, but I will still remember every second of the week I had with Tom.