Vera's Book Corner

There are different kinds of love. Like love for your parents, love for your siblings, your grandparents, your friends, love for your country, love for your job... Every day, Tom reminds me that before him, I had another love in my life. Before Tom, the theatre was my whole life. "My love for you, no matter how big it is, could never be enough to make you completely happy, and your love for me could never be a substitute for the love you have for acting." Tom is constantly repeating to me these words, and maybe he is right. He understands me, and he knows me because he is like me. The music is the love he couldn't live without. "What do you plan to do for the rest of your life, Nina? Do you want to sit at home and do nothing? If that makes you happy, go ahead. You have my full support, but I don't think that is what you want. You can't use the word "theatre" anymore, and watching a movie is too painful for you. I remember the sparkle in your e...

July 2018 "Hey," I said when I opened my eyes and saw Tom lying next to me. "Good morning!" Tom said with a big smile. "Good morning! What are you doing?" I asked him, still sleepy. "I'm enjoying the view." "Don't you have something better to do?" "I do, but nothing can be more enjoyable than watching you sleeping. Nina, my sweet Nina. Do you know what day is today?" "I think it's Saturday. Why? Is something important going to happen today?" "Stop pretending that you have forgotten. Today is our sixth anniversary. Six years ago, on this day, we met on the beach in Rimini." "This is a very strange anniversary. In the past six years, we have been together for only one week and two months. You were engaged to another girl, I was engaged to another man..." "Well, no relationship is perfect," Tom said with laughter. "In the past six years, we had only pain and s...

In one small suitcase and a backpack, I've packed everything I own. I don't want to take anything from Samuel. I don't want his designer bags and shoes. I don't want his expensive jewelry and beautiful dresses. I don't want anything that will remind me of the hell I've been through in the past two years. I wasn't with him for his money and the expensive things he was buying for me. I was waiting for a miracle to happen, and finally, today, the miracle really happened. "Hey, Nina! What is this suitcase doing in the hall?" Samuel asked at the moment he arrived from Las Vegas. "Are you going somewhere, or you're kicking me out of our apartment?" "I'm going home." "This is your home," Samuel said, confused. "I'm going to Croatia because I can't continue like this anymore. I'm tired of your girlfriends, I'm tired of your parties with your friends in Vegas and Hampton, and I'm tired o...

The doorman was looking at me suspiciously, and I guess he wanted to call the police. For three hours, I was standing in front of Tom's building and waiting for him to come out, but I was not a hundred percent sure that this was the building where he lives. Every time the door opened, and someone was coming out of the building, I thought it was him, and my heart was beating like crazy. If it's necessary, I'll wait a whole day, and if I don't see him today, I'll come back tomorrow. I'll keep coming every day until I talk to him and find out the truth. It was almost 10:30, and there was still no sign of Tom. But what if Tom was not in the building, or what if he slept somewhere else, or what if he left before I arrived? At 10:53, the door slowly opened, and this time it was Tom. I had spent the night thinking about what to say when I see him, but now I was just standing in front of him, wishing I could stop my tears and say something. "You?" he sai...

Half an hour ago, my best friend, Paula, called me. She said she'd stop by at my place to tell me all the details about the well-paid acting job she got today. She couldn't speak over the phone, because she was too excited, and she forgot to tell me if she was going to be in a TV series or a movie. This reminded me of the time when we were in college, and we sincerely supported each other, even then, when we were both going to the same auditions, competing for the same part. These days, we are not seeing each other as often as we want to. Paula is too busy. She has two jobs; she is constantly going to auditions, and occasionally she does theatre plays. But every time I see her, she makes me forget about my problems for a moment. Today, I'll be alone at home all day. Usually, the housemaid is with me every day, but she had to go to her cousin's wedding in Mexico for three days, and Samuel is on one of his "business trips". "You will not believe me, ...

May 2018 Everyone who says that time cures every pain is wrong. The days are passing by and the time was supposed to heal me, but for me, nothing has changed. In my life, there is nothing else but suffering. No matter what I do, no matter where I go, Tom is always on my mind, and he follows me like a shadow. Love doesn't end because I know that I'll never see him, or he will never be mine again. I wish it were simple to erase him from my memory and my life. But I can't escape, and I can't forget, because love can't disappear just like that. I don't believe that I'll ever stop loving him. There will always be a part of him in me, and I can only hope that one day I will learn to live without him. I feel empty, and this feeling of emptiness is stronger than all the love and all the pain I have ever felt. I feel empty, without my heart and my soul. My heart and my soul still belong to Tom. Every day, I wonder how he is doing in life. Today we live in a ti...

May 2013 Since last year, at least once a week, Tom had a routine of sending me an email, a weekly journal, as he liked to joke, informing me about everything that had happened in New York in the past week, and telling me what was going on in his life. Last month, he broke his rule, and he left me for thirty long days without any news from him. I was consoling myself that he didn't have time to write to me because he was really busy. The recording of his album and the everyday rehearsals for his promotional tour were taking him too much time, but I was so wrong. Last week, he broke the silence. He wrote me a brief email, and in just four sentences, he told me that next month he was going to be married. He and his fiancée are rushing with the wedding because she is pregnant. That is all he said, and since then he hasn't written. I don't understand. Why he hasn't said something earlier to prepare me for what is coming? Tom is not stupid. He knew I loved him, and he k...

April 2014 The next September I'm going into something new, something unknown, and I am a little frightened. I'm frightened by how everything in my life is happening fast. In February, I sent a video to eight educational institutions in New York City, and a week later, I was informed that I had successfully passed the audition at two universities. I had a chance to choose where to continue my education, and as Tom advised me, I chose the City University of New York. He said CUNY is a better place for studying than the other college where I was accepted. And that's not all. Last month, the real estate agency sold my grandparents' house and vineyard for a much better price than I had expected. Now I don't need to worry about money until my graduation. And Tom finally has what he's been dreaming about his whole life: a contract for recording an album. From the record label, they paid him in advance, and he doesn't need to work in his parents' restaur...

December 2013 Tom is the only person in the whole world who supports my decision to move to New York. When I told him about my plans for the next academic year, he wrote to me the same day, and he said: "You made a smart choice Nina! New York is the world's capital! With your talent, you'll take New York, and when you succeed in New York, you'll have the whole world at your feet!" Tom understands that at the beginning, it will be difficult for me to adapt to the huge city. Because he is the only person I know in New York, he promised me that he would always be there for me. Tom also promised me he'd introduce me to his siblings and to all his friends, show me the entire city and his favourite places, and he promised me he'd find me an apartment to live close to him. Unfortunately, I'll have to live on the college campus because I can't afford to share an apartment with roommates. It's too expensive for me. As I expected, two months ago...

October 2013, In the first couple of months after I met Tom, I was afraid we could never be together again. It seemed impossible. He has his life in New York, and my life is here, in Croatia, where my family and friends are. I tried everything to get him out of my head and to forget him, but nothing helped. My heart is like a broken compass, and it shows me only one direction. My love is not a passing thing, and it won't fade away. Distance means absolutely nothing when someone loves as much as I love him. I love him more than anything in the whole world. He is a love that happens only once in a lifetime, and my life could never be complete without him. I can't spend the rest of my life sitting here, longing for him, and doing nothing. I can't give up on him. Like a lioness, I'll fight for his love. I must do something, and I must do it fast. If I don't do something, I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life. A month ago, I was at the Embassy of the...